I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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