Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
