it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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