U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
