I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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