i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
