I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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