Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
