if you like me you must not know who I am
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
