You can't motorboat a personality
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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