I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
