My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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