I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
