But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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