you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
