I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
