There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
