but the lizard people decide everything anyway
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
