you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
