you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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