When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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