She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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