You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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