she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
