Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
