i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
