Your dad touched me again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
