Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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