Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
