I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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