he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
