..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
