also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
