its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
