can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
