i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
