I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
