dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
