chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
