just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
