Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Randomize
