did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
