I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
