he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
