at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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