There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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