What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
