This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
