What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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