So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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