can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think people are normalizing furries
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
