I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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