yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Randomize
