Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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