just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
