Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
