I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
