First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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