come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
