dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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