There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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