so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
