Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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