Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
