Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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