Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
